I truly have so many things to be grateful for. After this week I know how amazing my support system is and how willing people are to step in and help. First before I'm judged I want to say I know there are conditions far worse then type one diabetes. I volunteered for the Littlest Hero's Project in the past and have taken photos for families who only had a brief amount of time with their little ones. I mourned and cried for them and their families as well. I still keep in touch with some of the families and think of them often.
As a person it's hard to see anyone suffer. As a mom it's hard to see any child struggle, especially your own. Diabetes always seemed like a lazy disease to me. Yes I'm guilty of thinking the misconceptions were true as a teen. Until I was about 19 my friend at the time had told me about her husbands struggle with it and how they kept a stash of otter pops for his lows. I still didn't know much about it but her husband changed my opinion of it at that point, now I knew it could effect people that seemed healthy but I still didn't have the motivation to look up the differences between type 1 &2, obviously now I know.
It was a morning like any other. My oldest son was home sick and my youngest son was saying he didn't feel well " a common occurrence in our house if one kid is sick" I told my youngest son Owen to suck it up and go to school. The past 2 weeks I noticed he wasn't like himself. My sweet boy turned into a mean drunken moody brat that cried about everything. I was losing my mind and getting ready to set up therapy. Having 5 kids in the same house can be interesting to say the least. They seem to strive to stand out so when Owen started eating like a horse and peeing like one we honestly thought he was showing off.
Our kids get themselves dressed and take their own showers so I hadn't seen Owen without his shirt on for about a month. Our house stays at 60 so even inside we wear sweatshirts. I feel so guilty. I didn't know his body had been pretty much starving, no matter how much food he ate it just couldn't convert into energy, he was just starting to waste away.
We got a call from the School nurse Owen was acting lethargic and his blood sugar was high, so I stayed home with our eldest son cleaning out throw up buckets while my husband took Owen to the ER. It was there where they confirmed he had type 1 diabetes. At first I thought well this wont be too bad, but then came the dietitians, doctors and diabetes educator and the overwhelming amount of information. They were telling me if the proper levels weren't maintained and if he got to low my son could go unconscious, into a Coma or even die. If he got too high he would suffer long term damages but overall highs were less of an immediate threat then the lows. Everyone I dealt with was kind and understanding but all the information had me overwhelmed and sobbing.
It was hard the first day in the hospital . My son cried after every poke and it seemed like there were so many. More then anything I wished they could poke me instead. The nurse David had told me it would get to the point the pokes didn't bother Owen much. I looked at him like he was crazy, I mean was he looking at the same crying child? but he was right and I'm so thankful for that. After day 2 the crying was replaced with ouches. By day 4 he said it hardly hurt it just felt like someone pinched him really fast.
I think this was the turning point for him, the point where he was ok with this chronic disease. I however was ... well "am" still far from it. I was scared that I would miscalculate their ever changing formulas for the units of insulin, or not calculate his carbs right. It's the first full day of him being home and I am still freaking myself out. His doctor is amazing and she gave us her cell if we had any issues. We are to call is he's over 400 . 350-400 was almost Owens normal range during allot of the hospital stay. His base BG was 200 but they changed it to 150 the day before we left.
Day 4 Saturday was the day we were originally going to leave but with high levels over 500 hundred again and large ketones they wanted us to stay while they upped the units of insulin, they wanted to make sure his levels, "while they wanted them to drop" didn't drop too quickly. Although we wanted to be home I was ok with staying. The thought of taking him home pumped full of so much insulin scared me.So we stayed until Sunday night, They wanted one reading where he was under 300 and we got it.
So here we are. Home .. I want to say I know other people have had much worse experiences with type 1. Many come in unconscious or in a coma and are close to death or sometimes are too late and do pass. I know in many ways we are lucky. I'm not trying to disrespect anyone. I guess this is my new therapy and my new norm. It feels good to let it out and if your going through something similar with a recently diagnosed T1 diabetic in the family I want to say you're not alone, It's not your fault, It's not your child's fault and you don't have to go through this on your own. Feeling guilty "something I still feel" isn't helpful to anyone so try to let go. Easier said then done right?
No comments:
Post a Comment